


An imperfect first Christmas was actually more than perfect

by BoredPsychopath_JC



Series: Festivals were worthwhile only when you were here [1]
Category: London Spy
Genre: Alex the romantic-in-his-own-way, Character Study, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Danny the smitten and considerate lover, First real fic so please be gentle, M/M, Sorry no smut this time, sorry my lack of self-confidence got into the tags, subtext angst if you know the canon, written before finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-05 23:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5394401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoredPsychopath_JC/pseuds/BoredPsychopath_JC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First time Danny spent Christmas in London not being physically alone or lonely. With his banker-and-genius partner Alex, he anticipated it to be a perfect one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An imperfect first Christmas was actually more than perfect

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snowyylove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowyylove/gifts).



> Originally wanted to write some fluff but my anxiety for the series finale got in way. Though I can't confirm the exact timeframe from ep.1 and the script, I think that 8-month period before the pair meeting Scottie includes Christmas. English isn't my first language and this isn't Brit-picked or closely proofread. Sorry for the mess! :)

It must be in early childhood when Danny last anticipated Christmas. It was an innocent time lost long ago, like some distant dreams he could not recognise. But as a 28-year-old his excitement could still be justified. Since he left home, he finally met someone, to be precise, the one he would spend the rest of his life with. It had been crystal clear since Alex ran literally into him on one of his worst mornings on Vauxhall Bridge.

Months had passed and this would be their first Christmas together. 

He spent no effort hiding his idiotic grin when he thought of Alex coming over his flat tonight. Unlike other nights it was finally Christmas eve. He pushed his disappointment to the back of his mind, fully aware of Alex's working trip at Christmas. Shame their first Christmas could not be a full and undisturbed one. He accepted Alex's crazy work life and he hoped such imperfection would be compensated with the best homemade meal he could made plus, of course, hot intense sex.

While he told Alex he did not plan for any gift exchange, he still went to look for a unique yet affordable gift, seeking advice for many times from an old friend who had really good taste for posh fashion (and was a bit unimpressed with Danny's eagerness). Finally he got a tie pin from an antique shop. Its shape was, according to his friend when he described it on phone, timelessly fashionable. It had a nice etching in geometric patterns. Subtle yet manifesting its owner's mathematical talent. 

For holiday season involving gifting and receiving, Danny had extra work hours at the warehouse. Not that he minded the tedious nature of his job now. Monotony meant his mind could drift to imagining various scenarios from time to time at work. His favourite was a tipsy Alex with half-closed eyelids watching and half-parted lips inviting some serious snogging. Alex’s face could sometimes hide well how drunk he was ( _seriously did bankers need to be trained this way_ ), but Danny observed him getting more and more relaxed around him in private and slipping more frequently these days. _It'd be really nice to settle at the hook of Alex’s neck, inhaling a mixture of alcohol and yummy aftershave, trailing one's nose along that gorgeous neck to reach that patch of skin near pulse point, planting wet kisses to make an intoxicated lover crazy…_

*BEEP* "DESTINATION REACHED"

Danny wondered how many times his daydreams were interrupted by the device at his hand, as he rolled his eyes and followed the instructions from its screen. His attention turned to the digital numbers. Three hours to go before his best Christmas eve unfolded.

He had prepared everything he could think of. He bribed his flatmate Sara to show him how to make a complicated exotic stew. Honestly he surprised himself by begging her and the other flatmate Pavel to get out of the flat tonight as early as they could. Apart from the painstakingly selected gift, he nicked two proper wine glasses from a club he frequented (luckily the bouncer knew him and let him get away). But the most unbelievable thing he did was actually getting some mistletoe.

“Yes I know I'm fucking ridiculous,” he scolded himself with a sigh as he hanged it on his bedroom door.

When Alex knocked punctually at 7pm Danny just finished laying the table. He had tidied up his bedroom a bit since he returned to the flat. His flatmates put on a show to tease him on his action before they went out. He let them. In fact he felt special because they never did so when his previous dates stayed over. But then he did not bother cleaning up his room.  Not that Alex was a rare guest in the flat. Still, this was their first Christmas together. It had to be perfect.

Danny took a deep breath to still himself as he turned the door knob, grinning when the handsome figure came to his view. Alex dressed stunningly as usual in bespoke suit in a coat, his working outfit. Danny nearly let out an "ohh" at the sight of his favourite scarf- that dark grey one with lighter grey stripes- the same one Alex wore when they had their first breakfast date.

“So you do take festivals seriously,” Alex remarked with a tired smile as he hung his coat and scarf. Danny got the overnight bag from Alex's hand, their fingers brushing. He quickly placed it next to the sofa. He was curious about its contents. Alex had stayed over countless times already and he should not need to bring anything.

“It’s our first Christmas. Please don’t kill the mood,” Danny went back to his partner in the doorway. He swore he could pick up Alex's aftershave amid the mouth-watering smell of food. Alex was looking around and his rigid shoulders and neck gave away his physical exhaustion.  _Probably many hours working on the computer again_ , Danny suspected.

“Today is not different from any other days with you. I don’t think festival affects how we treat one another,” Alex plainly commented.

“Yes perhaps because you still have to leave for a working trip tomorrow. Just like some other days when you need to go out of town at some inconvenient times. I never understand the business world- why can’t they just stop for Christmas' sake?” 

“I am sorry. I really am. If I’ve known you-” Alex was taken by surprise when Danny shut him up with two fingers brushing gently on his lips.

"Shhh I've said I understand. Let’s just stay in and make the best of the night ok?” Danny reached up for a longer kiss, grabbing his collar. _Shit it_ _was close_ , Danny mused between the chaste kisses. They would have nearly found themselves heading to serious and unhappy discussions. Danny was glad his intuition picked up the alarm and prevented that. Lesson well-learnt. 

Alex melted into the following hot kisses, cupping Danny's jaw to regain a bit of control. Danny's mind had already been free from those worries and began pondering about the bedroom options. He teasingly pulled out those crisp white shirt hem and slide his hands under to feel those strong muscles…

“The casserole will burn. It seemed you forgot to start your timer.” 

Danny frowned at the sudden absence of warmth and wetness on his lips. He reluctantly let go. Alex was damn right, with his logical and methodical way of observing and responding to things. With a huff he dragged his footsteps to retrieve the sizzling pot from the oven. He felt Alex watching him putting the nearly overcooked stew on the unusually cleared table. The stains and cigarette burns were only slightly visible beneath the white table cloth. He made a mental note to thank Sara later for insisting him get the table set. 

With the danger of fire now gone, it took Danny nearly all his efforts not to drag Alex immediately into his bedroom. Particularly the sight of his partner slipping back the hem of his slightly rumpled shirt to their proper places. Alex rolled his shirt sleeves back before he sat down. His tired eyes inspected the dish with amusement as he mindlessly shifted around the wine glass and cutlery (which Danny had deliberately not put them as tidily as he could). Danny wished he could see that every night.

“So. Perhaps you know already. Sara helped," Danny sat across Alex. "I know I’m easy to read but now I know you long enough to read you’re reading me,” he chuckled and tucked in without waiting for Alex’s immediate reaction. These days he loved teasing.

Alex said nothing but gave him a small close-mouthed smile before picking up the fork. They, actually Danny did mostly the talking, commented casually how London got on near Christmas. Alex poured them each a glass of wine with usual elegance. Danny was grateful his special one put up with his small talks and gave responses after all these months, even at obviously fatigue state now. They did have their ups and downs, particularly in the beginning, but they managed well. Danny could not help grinning with a mouthful.

“Have you actually taken days off for Christmas? I mean, erm, before you met me, " Danny let out small laughs, "not that I'm assuming I'm this important. Don't you bankers have those festive fancy company dinners?” While he always wanted to know more about his sometimes frustrating and mysterious man, he decided to take it slow and do it at right time with carefully chosen words, trying not to touch topics like Alex's family.

“I work. Like other days. Days are the same, festivals or not, when you just don’t see the point of celebrating. Probably that doesn't make me good company to the others.” An honest answer from Alex, whose eyes searched Danny’s facial expressions with thoughtfulness before adding quickly, “But it is good to have a change.”

“Perhaps you may just say I'm the reason you’re doing this.” Danny made a face to made it clear he was not complaining.

“Maybe next year you won’t be subjected to my mood-killing,” replied Alex with a slight amused tone.

“Hey. You can have me and spoil my mood as long as you will,” Danny paused to admire the sparks lighting up Alex’s blue eyes. “I don't expect flowery declarations. I’ve known you aren't as sentimental. Surely you'll reward me in other ways.”

So he finally spilled those words out and put them as lightly as possible. That soulmate talk still lingered in his mind, mostly because of what it led to. He just could not bring himself revisiting that brief painful exchange outside that bar. They nearly went off in different directions because of his fantasy of a perfect relationship. But that made him realise it was most important they were in this together and, maybe, by perfecting one another. Even if they could not, the last thing he would have was to see Alex tear up heartbrokenly. _Not over my dead body_ , he has sworn. Recently, he began to feel even a bit amused with himself exasperated by Alex’s preference of honesty over flattery. _Let's talk about how love changed a person_ , he rolled his eyes to the remaining bite.

They had Christmas pudding from Tesco as dessert. Danny added a scoop of ice-cream on the warmed pudding. Alex should mind the quality and combination but he just smiled more warmly and followed suit. He did not leave any remarks after several glasses of cheap supermarket wine either. _Maybe next year we could shop together_ , Danny decided, thinking that the wine was worse than any they had got whenever they went out dining. Alex finished his dessert first, watching Danny scooping the ice-cream with satisfaction. With a smile he gently reached towards Danny on the cloth, resting his wrist on a rough spot that should be due to a cigarette burn, but he did not flinch. Danny reached out his free hand and interlaced their fingers while finishing the remaining spoonful. He felt Alex's thumb brushing his and his heart skipped several beats.

 _Not bad_ , Danny thought, _though the food could be better and why the hell did I forget candle and crackers?_ Still this was really his love here in the flesh. For Christmas eve. Such domesticity delighted Danny. He did not see this coming on the morning he felt so sad and took his temper out of his mobile phone. Even when Alex did not call for days after their breakfast date, he was glad his faith for them held.

As Alex put away the dishes, Danny carried their glasses to the sofa, sprawling on one side and watching Alex briefly struggled whether to do the dishes or to join him. _For fuck's sake I’m more attactive than those dirty dishes._ He let out a breath he did not know he was holding when he saw Alex walked towards him instead and settled next to him. As he noticed Alex's slightly heavy eyelids, his anticipation for a wild night started to fade, not with too much disappointment to his slight surprise. He watched with wonder how at ease and mellow his partner could actually be. Instead of jumping on his lap (as imagined many a night when he was alone), Danny just snuggled up a bit and kissed his nose, leaning in so their foreheads touched together, green eyes looking at his lap. He felt Alex blinked and he heard their quiet breathing.

Alex trailed his fingers on Danny’s cheekbone. “Thank you. I didn’t know Christmas can be such a good idea.”

Danny resisted teasing with “how would you know?”, closing his eyes and leaning in the warm touch. Partly because he would lose it if he saw Alex’s eyes turning dark. Not yet now- there was still one other thing for the Christmas routine. He fixed his gaze at Alex's knees again and started, “I know I’ve said we won’t do Christmas presents since, erm, you’re not here on boxing day. Actually, erm, we’re not that traditional anyway… “ He stammered a bit, hating himself for killing the mood, particularly when he accused Alex of the same earlier.  

Alex just tipped up his chin gently and looked at him with amusement and unguarded affection. “It may be my lucky guess. It happened I thought of the probability you’re giving me something. I actually prepared something for you. Partially at least.” From his overnight bag Alex retrieved a nicely wrapped packet and an elegant black box. The packet revealed a white shirt and a pair of black trousers. As for the box it held a thin black tie. They were very stylish and of excellent quality. Danny would place a huge bet on that they came from where Alex picked his wardrobe.

“Your jacket is still at my place. I haven’t quite inspected the linings yet," Alex cleared his throat. " I need it to be perfect when you wear it.”

Without giving any warning Danny set down the shirt and took off his jumper. He took extra time to wriggle out of the clothing. Not exactly naïve act of course. From the back of his head he still ached for sex but he needed to know if Alex desired. He was smug to hear Alex sharply inhale, but he quickly put on the cool fabric. It hugged his slender body perfectly and comfortably. He felt Alex’s intense stare and he greeted it with a wink, teasing non-verbally. Alex blinked and busied himself unrolling the tie from the box. Placing his warm hands around Danny’s collar, he swiftly tied an elegant knot.

“You and your quick hands. I’ve never made a decent tie knot all my life.” A random thought came to Danny as he fumbled with the tie, “I have a mirror in my room. You can show me again so I can learn. And how to untie, if you’re up to, of course. You look so tired these days.”

“I’m at least capable of checking out the mistletoe. Let’s see.” Alex gazed at Danny with anticipation given away from his curved-up lips.

Hiding his embarrassment, Danny jumped from the sofa in his new shirt and jeans, pulling Alex up. They actually skipped the mistletoe. Shortly both of them started undressing in the bedroom, touching one another. It was when Alex froze midway, hands on his last shirt buttons. He cut past Danny to the shelve and removed a little Christmas tree ceramic clip from the bedside lamp. He flipped it in his palms.

“What’s wrong?” Danny called at Alex’s tense back.

“This is not your type of decoration,” Alex’s curtly remarked. His face drained of emotions.

“It must be Sara’s doing. It just appeared there two days ago. I don’t really mind a little shinny decoration. Hey, just come back here.”

“Then it’s better to be placed near the window pane. If you don’t mind I want to close the window first.” Before Danny could reply, Alex went straight to the window with urgency. With the green ceramic clip in one hand, he seemed struggling with the window even with both hands. Naturally, a hand slipped, dropping the ceramic outside.

  However impatient and puzzled Danny was, he giggled a bit at Alex’s sudden nervousness, “I thought you knew that window. Always difficult to close, particularly when you’re tipsy.” He did not bother to look down at the remains of that poor decoration as he reached past Alex to close the window. He saw Alex’s sharp and alert eyes staring outside from the reflection on the glass. He could nearly hear the genius mind working. _Why was he upset?_ Danny just hugged Alex and messaged his shoulders, working slowly down his stiff back. He was relieved to feel Alex start to relax again.

“It’s just a small thing. It’d be terrible to have our night ruined because of a fucking Christmas tree." Danny purred in Alex's ear, "You promised to show me how to untie and strip a shirt efficiently in bed.”

Alex complied without correcting Danny’s choice of words. He followed him slowly back to the bed, fulfilling the promise.

 

* * *

Danny was woken up by the sudden lack of weight on his right side. He felt wonderful even it was not a crazy Christmas sex night he fantasised. There had not been any rushing or overpowering but just beautiful intimacy that filled every second of love-making. With the right one he did not mind quality over quantity. He closed his eyes again and shifted to the warm side Alex left behind, as he listened to the soft sounds in the bathroom.

He heard quiet footsteps back to the room and felt Alex watching him. “I’m sorry I woke you. You’ve done all the work last night. Don’t get up.” Danny opened his eyes and saw Alex readjusting his tie in front of his tiny mirror on the wall.

“You promised to show me,” sleepiness was the reason for showing off a cute pout.

"Come here."

Danny quickly got out of bed with a smile. Despite their urgency last night Alex insisted hanging their shirts. These were one of Alex's few things Danny found incorrigible but then thankful for. He put on those trousers too (he did not have a clue when Alex put them on his desk with a pair of his socks). With that he would not stood comparatively weird in crumpled shirt and pants between his well-dressed Alex and the mirror.

“It fits. This whole thing. I didn’t know you know my size this well.” Danny looked down at his clothes properly before checking their reflections in the mirror, his hands patting his hair as he searched for perfect words to say thanks.

“You once said we can navigate this together.” It was Alex who started slowly. “It’s proven we fit right so far. Thank you for not giving up on me,” a pair of very emotional blue eyes held green eyes in the mirror. "On us."

Without waiting for Danny's response, Alex moved away to get his tie. Danny stared at the emptied space where Alex was a second ago. He did not catch his own overwhelmed expression at all. _Alex, his partner, the genius who did not have bad habits like him._ It seemed safe to think there would not be a slight possibility that Alex would be out of the picture of his life.

Alex's hands brushed against his collar bone and the rustle of fabrics brought him back to reality. They stood in comfortable silence when Alex slowly fixed Danny's tie, taking time to gesture the steps to make a perfect Windsor knot. His blue eyes warm and focused at the task at hand. His breath brushed past Danny’s neck when he needed to reach a bit forward to make the knot. Danny wanted to make a comment but he was at loss what to say. Then he suddenly remembered the tie pin.

"Merry Christmas love,” he whispered, turning to give Alex a kiss holding all his emotions. _He knows._

Danny let go sooner than both of them would like, acknowledging the fact Alex had to go soon. The poor workaholic could not even stay for breakfast. So this was the time Danny opened the desk drawer to get the gift out. “Before you go. Here’s my little gift for you. Not as grand as what you gave me, I suppose, but still.”

Alex weighed the silvery pin with his right hand for a while. Before Danny felt his choice was a mistake, Alex put the pin on his tie, tracing slowly the delicately etched pattens on the surface. A very rare boyish grin slowly spread across his face.

“I like it very much. Danny, it’s the perfect Christmas gift I’ve ever had.”

Danny had to commit Alex’s reaction to his memory so he said nothing. As they walked out of the room, Danny could sense Alex’s reluctance to leave. There began a slight frown on Alex’s still smiling face as he got on his jacket and coat, as if he was considering to say something more.

The street on Christmas morning was deserted. They parted at the front door, where an unexpected Danny got a warm hug in the cold before Alex’s cab pulled up.

 _Still an unforgettable Christmas,_ Danny recalled the whole night in the now empty cold flat. _Not even the imperfect dinner or that weird Christmas thingy ruined the night._ The first thing he did after a cuppa was reconnecting with the world. He texted an apology to Sara, just to make sure. To his surprise, Sara’s reply came instantly. “NOT MY DOING. CHECK WITH PAVEL.” But Danny was absolutely sure it could not be Pavel.

He decided to let the mystery go for the time being, finishing his steaming cup of Tesco English breakfast tea. _Earl Grey was a favourite of Alex’s_ , he smiled, _not his_. It was perhaps the imperfect bits that made their first Christmas together more than perfect. He never thought he could be even more certain about Alex. With such happiness and blissful feeling he reached for his mobile phone again, texting his old friend Scottie a Merry Christmas and thanking his help for the gift advice. Perhaps it was time to let Alex meet the old friend who witnessed him through the most turbulent days in his past.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope this brought you enjoyment (or relief) as much as I wrote it:) I had a longer LS fic planned and I'd love to hear from you what you like and what I can improve. If you like it enough I may have time for another one-shot. Feel free to cry with me on this stupid series on Tumblr.
> 
> Thanks again to Snowyylove for your kind words. And thank you spies-and-partyboys for mentioning LS fanfics and encouragement too. Without them this wouldn't have happened x


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